Yeah, I know. Like the blogosphere needs another post about bad drivers.  But really, I’ve been in a shitstorm of bad drivers here the past couple of weeks. So, I drive faster than most people around here. I drive aggressive and defensively. I’m fine if you don’t drive like me. All I ask is a few things.

Drive the Fucking Speed Limit. No less. Maybe more. You will not get a ticket (or even pulled over for that matter) if you are going 2mph over said limit. If you do, you have the most strictest, most anal cop in history.

Use the damn turning lanes. That is what they are there for. Do not slow down while a full line of cars are behind you when you can/should just as easily pull into the turn lane before you start slowing down. That is what they are there for.

If there is no turning lane, there is no need to make a complete stop before you make a right turn. Sure, a left turn may require a stop if there is oncoming traffic, but not a right turn. Sure, slow down so you dont slide through the corner, but when people slow all the way down to a near stop, I feel like clipping there ass end just to get them the fuck out of the way.

The Left Lane is for Passing . Get that fact in your fucking pot deluded organic food filled brain. Put your triple decaf nonfat soy chai latte in the cupholder, keep your cellphone in your pocket/purse, stop thinking about which type of green bottled beer you’re gonna drink tonight, and get your ass in the right fucking lane!

 Books do not belong in front of the steering wheel. ‘Nuff said.

Accidents happen. There is no need to slow down to see how far that person who didn’t have their seat belt on flew through the windshield. Doing this slows down the already super slow traffic brought on by the accident. It may even cause more accidents. Think about that next time you wanna gawk at someone elses misfortune as you’re supposed to be driving on by.

If a lane is ending, get over. Don’t wait until the last possible fucking second to cut someone off and get a few car lengths ahead of where you might have been. Nobody wants to let you in when you do this. Jackass.

If you don’t understand the rules behind Right-Of-Way, go to your local DMV and ask them to chop up your drivers licsense as you are a complete retard.

Yellow does not stand for “Slam on your brakes the instant you see it”.

Green means go. It does not mean “Wait Ten seconds before going”

There is no need to stop 3 carlengths behind the car in front of you. This fucks up the sensors and causes the lights to change earleir than they should. You then have just pissed off everybody in line behind you. Asshole.

If you’re in a traffic jam, stay in your own fucking lane. 98% of the time, changing lanes will not help you get to where you’re going any faster. All you’re doing is making the traffic jam worse.

 Green turning arrows are the same as regular green lights, they’re just for specific turning lanes. They do not mean “stop and make sure it’s ok before you go”.

Do not honk at people on the crosswalk. Dumbass.

Now, as for all you fuckers on the crosswalks, hurry the hell up, will ya? People are trying to turn, and when you have to like a fucking turtle with a sledgehammer up its ass, the people turning will miss their lights and have to sit there again becouse you couldn’t walk a half-step faster.

 If you’re uncomfortable driving in the rain or snow, do the rest of us a favor and stay the fuck home. Oh, and if you “think” you know how to drive in it, you should also stay the hell home. Trust me, if you think you know how, you don’t. And while were on the subject, Motorcycles are not the appropriate mode of transportation during a snowstorm.

 If you’re a teeny-bopper who is attached to their cell phone, you should get a choice. Car or Phone. Not both. That should be a requirement at the DMV for teenage drivers. Want a licsense? Turn in your phone.

That is all.      For now.

Categories: Oregon Drivers
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