Inside The Mind of an Oregon Driver!
June 27, 2007 3:33 amHoly Shit! There’s a squirrel on the side of the road, I need to slow down.
Fuck, it’s raining, as usual. Well, I guess I should continue driving slow like I do everyday.
I think the guy behind me is in a hurry. I should slow down so he knows to go around me.
OH FUCK! A YELLOW LIGHT! SLAM ON THE BREAKS!
This red light is blinking. I guess I should just wait until it stops blinking.
Right of Way? Never heard of it.
Hmm….a red light, just like the 10 I hit in the past mile. I need to make a right turn. oooh oooh, theres a spot I can take. The guy I’m pulling out in front of won’t mind.
Damnit, my phone is dead. Now what am I gonna do on the drive home?
Oh wow, an accident! I guess I should slow down to a crawl so I can stare at the unfortunate people.
This guy is trying to merge in my lane. I think I should match his speed so he knows I was in this lane first.
The left lane is so nice to drive in. It allows me to go slower than the rest of the people in the right lane.
Look! An organic fruit stand! I should slow down now, 1/4 mile before I need to get off the road.
OH SHIT! The guy in front of me just tapped his breaks! I should hit mine for a few seconds so everyone behind me knows to do the same.
This lane is going kind of slow. The lane next to me looks the same, but I should get over there just in case. …….nope, looks like I should get back where I was, but the guy beside me is matching my speed and won’t let me in. Doesn’t he know that was my spot? I guess I’ll just stear into the lane and take it. He’ll stop for me.
Categories: I HATE PEOPLE!, Oregon Drivers, Oregon Sucks
10 Responses to “Inside The Mind of an Oregon Driver!”
Wait. That is California. Only speed up the speed to about 95MPH and do all that. I hate people.
You forgot the one that says….
Hmm, it’s such a LOOOOOOONNNNNGGGG drive home at 3PM, I think I’ll pass the time by reading the new book I just picked up at Barnes and Noble while I’m drinking my Venti chai latte with extra foam, while talking on my cell phone and smoking a cigarette.
KG- I’d be alright with all of that if I could do 95 all the freakin time.
Timmy - I forgot about that one! How awesome was it to see that girl reading while we were going home?
No, no. They do 95 MPH and then slam on their brakes like that making for a delightful curse-filled drive wherever you go here. heh.
No mention of complete stops for right hand turns.
Or slowing down *before* entering the turn lane.
Hell, or only getting half in the turn lane and half in your lane, blocking traffic both ways.
Or waiting for that special shade of green at a stop light before they go.
Or getting confused on how to enter and park at the gas pumps.
Or not knowing to park between the white lines… not on or across them.
I know you’re just hitting the highlights… but thought I’d add a few of my own.
OK… did I grasp that correctly if it left me with the feeling that driving in Oregon pretty much SUCKS ASS!?
you know that sad thing about this post, Chad? This crap happens over here in the Jersey/Philly area as well. Why can’t we ship these idiots to a State like North Dakota or something?
oh chad!
Well I’ll agree with you about Oregon drives. I have been a driver for a long time and had no accidents but for some reason it seem that oregonians all like to work together like a bunch of ants and take turns pulling out in front of me, not allowing me to merge, stopping in front of me as fast as they can when I glance away for a moment. Oh yeah and my very favorite-when I pull up to a four way stop at the same time as another vehicle and I am the one making a turn the other guy looks at me funny like I dont know what I’m doing when I wave him bye and waves back at me like I have the right away* Sometimes they all drive so shitty it makes me think they are in it together and are all trying to unlearn my driving skills-they think if they all drive the wrong way I will start doing it too-not. No-I think it’s more logical that they all just suck at driving-wonder what their records look like mine is perfect…
Oregonians have learned two basic bad habits: not comprehending the purpose of the FAST LANE (imported from Seattle) and from California, not using signals or mirrors. However, almost every driver y’all are complaining about lives west of the Cascades, in the People’s Democratic Republic of Orygun. In central and eastern Oregon, people are considerably more normal and relaxed. In fact, they hate Portlanders and valley people much more than Californians. Oh, and, those evil “Californians” that move into small Oregon towns, take over the city government, and drive up the real estate values — they do the same thing in California too.
Care to comment?