I tickle Jen

She says she’s gonna get me back.

I reply with this: I’m ungetbackable.

Yeah.

I rolled my ankle at the Cancer Relay last week and it’s just now starting to bother me. You combine that with the everlasting knot in my back/neck, and I’m not in the greatest of shape lately.

It finally got hot here in Oregon (like, really, really fucking hot). So, as with every season change, people have completely forgotten how to drive again. I have gotten behind about 4 people in the last 2 days that all want to go at least 10mph under the speed limit. No shit. No exageration. Seriously, 10mph under. What. The. Fuck. Damn I wish road rage was legal.

Were going up to Seattle again this weekend to watch the Detroit Tigers pownce on the Mariners once again. We’re going to both the 4th and 5th of July games. Yeah, baseball, the 4th of July, fireworks, more baseball, and with the girl I love and some of my best friends as well. How could this weekend get any better…..oh, yeah….plus beer!

And one last thing. To whomever it was that was fucking around with my Paypal account, Thanks a fuckload. I just now finally got both of your charges taken care of, and since I had to have the account locked to keep you from fucking with it even more, and since Paypal will only accept a landline phone to prove that it’s me to unlock it, the lady you tried to steal $750 from wont be getting her money back anytime soon since I have to do the verification through the mail. Oh, and a very special fuckoffery for making me memorize another freakin password and security questions. I really appreciate it.

dick.

Categories: I HATE PEOPLE!, Oregon Drivers, Rant, My Weekend
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Holy F#!@$%^&*( S%)(&%%^$#!@!!!!!!

I am flipping out pissed off right now.

Okay, so here’s a rundown of the day BEFORE I got irritated.

Got up at 5am to go snowboarding. Hit every single stop light on the way to Timmy’s house. I’m still good, mainly becouse I’m half dead and drinking coffee. Once we get up the mountain, we find that it’s basically blizzard conditions and the snow sucks ass. We did 3 runs and called it quits. Thats how much ass it sucked. But I’m still good.

Leaving the Mountain, some retard was BACKING DOWN THE FUCKING HILL IN OUR LANE!!!! WTF?

Okay, I’m still all good. Mainly becouse I wasn’t driving.

Then, we get home (well, back to Timmy’s house). Thats when shit goes downhill.

After I leave his place, some jackass in his gay STI (its only gay becouse he had retard stickers on the rear fenders) was going 10mph. In a 25mph zone. Then, as we turn the corner and get on a two lane street, he’s still going ungodly slow. Slow, that is, until I pull into the left lane and try to go at least the fucking speed limit. And that’s when he decides to speed up.

Speed up until he gets beside the car in front of me, whom is also going under the speed limit. And what does Mr. Gaycar do? The fucker paces him. It’s at this point that Road Rage enters the mind. Finally, I get past Mr. Flamercar. Red light. Red light. Sitting at green light. Red light. Red light. Slam on breaks in right lane becouse OMG someone is turning in the left lane! Red Light. Go 10mph under speed limit becouse OMG there is a squirrel on the sidewalk. Brand new Red light that just got turned on today. Enter apartment complex, wait for bigass truck to make 30 point uturn. Wait for moving truck to not block entire road. Wait for people to craaawwwllll in front of parking spot.

Okay, I’m home now. Everything should be A-OKAY, right? Wrong. Rat dog shit all over the apartment. And I dont mean just take a dump. Squirts here, there, everywhere. Oh, and I guess he needed to wipe as well, using any left over available non-shit covered spot. Oh yeah, I’m in a great mood.

Someone get me beer, shot of Cabo, and pack a bowl. I could really, really use it right about now.

Categories: I HATE PEOPLE!, Oregon Drivers
2 Comments »

If you can’t grasp the concept of the “Right of Way” system that every single person is taught while learning how to drive (or here in oregon how to stear your car), you should have your license revoked.

I almost t-boned another idiot yesterday because apparently he had the right to turn left while I wanted to go straight. Fuckin retard. And what pissed me off even more was the fact that after I slammed on my breaks and honked the horn, he stopped and just sat there in the middle of the intersection, as if he was finally gonna let me go, even though he was SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKIN INTERSECTION blocking my path.

Damn I hate these Oregon drivers.

Categories: Oregon Drivers
2 Comments »

…possibly, that I shouldn’t move.

 That, or the world is just against me today.

I’m ready to start hurting people. Seriously. Probably gonna start running into other peoples cars with my truck. Yeah. Road Rage. Fuck Yeah.

Seriously, is National Drive 10mph under the speed limit day? I only ask this becouse EVERYONE IS DRIVING 10 MPH UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT!!!

And lets not forget the road construction every quarter mile, as well as painting the lines on every other road.

And….at least 3 other people in my soon to be former apartement are also moving in or out, and they have semis. Semi trucks that think it’s okay to park right in front of my parking spot. Whether I’m there or not.

And this was all before I ate lunch. So, I stopped for a lunch break, but not before my weekly ASS-RAPING at the gas station.

The second half of the day wasn’t much better. Red Lights. Red Lights. And more Red Lights.

I did get a bunch of crap moved, though. I even took the dogs over to the new place during my last load of the night. Even then, it turned out to be just one more thing to piss me off. The rat dog hadn’t taken a crap since the night before. I’d walked him nearly ten times that day, and nothing came out. But, 30 seconds in the new place, and he’s taking a crap on the carpet. That little rat fuck nearly got his ass smacked into the nearest wall.

You want some other reasons? Well, the hot russian girl that lives across the hall from me seems to be getting hotter and wearing less clothes each day. Seriously, she is like Jessica Alba hot. Possibly hotter. No Shit. She is that fucking Hot. And some new chick moved in yesterday too. I only saw her for like a minute, but in that minute I nearly backed my truck into a pole becouse I was staring at her ass as she was walking to her car. And, lets not forget the blonde Italian girl that drives the Audi TT, or the Red Head that lives with her mom, or the married hot blonde that lives right above me. Now, why am I moving again?

And here we are, 6:30am on the actual moving day. I’ve had about 2 hours of sleep. Fun Times.

Fun Times.

Categories: I HATE PEOPLE!, Oregon Drivers, Rant, Whatever
3 Comments »

Holy Shit! There’s a squirrel on the side of the road, I need to slow down.

Fuck, it’s raining, as usual. Well, I guess I should continue driving slow like I do everyday.

I think the guy behind me is in a hurry. I should slow down so he knows to go around me.

OH FUCK! A YELLOW LIGHT! SLAM ON THE BREAKS!

This red light is blinking. I guess I should just wait until it stops blinking.

Right of Way? Never heard of it.

Hmm….a red light, just like the 10 I hit in the past mile. I need to make a right turn. oooh oooh, theres a spot I can take. The guy I’m pulling out in front of won’t mind.

Damnit, my phone is dead. Now what am I gonna do on the drive home?

Oh wow, an accident! I guess I should slow down to a crawl so I can stare at the unfortunate people.

This guy is trying to merge in my lane. I think I should match his speed so he knows I was in this lane first.

The left lane is so nice to drive in. It allows me to go slower than the rest of the people in the right lane.

Look! An organic fruit stand! I should slow down now, 1/4 mile before I need to get off the road.

OH SHIT! The guy in front of me just tapped his breaks! I should hit mine for a few seconds so everyone behind me knows to do the same.

This lane is going kind of slow. The lane next to me looks the same, but I should get over there just in case.      …….nope, looks like I should get back where I was, but the guy beside me is matching my speed and won’t let me in. Doesn’t he know that was my spot? I guess I’ll just stear into the lane and take it. He’ll stop for me.

Categories: I HATE PEOPLE!, Oregon Drivers, Oregon Sucks
10 Comments »